


Hold Onto Yourself

by innusiq



Category: due South
Genre: Drama, Episode Related, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-01-01
Updated: 2000-01-01
Packaged: 2018-11-10 22:57:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11136342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/innusiq/pseuds/innusiq
Summary: Victoria strikes again but in a good way.





	Hold Onto Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

Hold Onto Yourself

## Hold Onto Yourself

by Innusiq

* * *

Hold on to Yourself 

By Jenny Hill 

She was trying to relax but all she could do was think about him, the one she left behind. When the cold jelly substance hit her, she jerked. The doctor placed the sonogram unit on her stomach and began moving it around. A picture popped on the screen next to her. Victoria's eyes softened as she listened to "their" child's heartbeat. A tear rolled down her cheek. It was a tear of happiness and a tear of sadness. She wished she could be with him, share this moment of joy with the one she loved but knew, if she returned, she would be signing her life away. Victoria could never let that happen . . . not again. 

Fortitude Pass, what a far away place it seemed now. A lifetime had passed since the first time their paths crossed, a lifetime and a prison sentence but that's where it all began. He saved her life, she saved his and then he arrested her. Yes, he was only doing his duty but why did he have to do it? She didn't hate him for what he did, she could never hate him. If anything, she loved him even more that he did turn her in than not. Why did she have to set him up like she did when their paths crossed that second time? She knew the answer to that question. It was the only way, she thought, the only way he would go with her, yet the plan backfired. If only Ray and the other detectives hadn't shown up, he would be with her - them, right now. 

* * *

Fraser sat in his office, finishing up his report on the previous day's events. He was still "technically" on probation due to the new Inspector's arrival but he didn't want to risk making a bad impression by turning in a late report or no report at all. Yesterday had been an average day of work . . . or at least as average as a day could be with Fraser and Ray. As Fraser reread his report, he himself couldn't believe what had happened. 

The day began with Ray, poor Ray, having been declared "deceased" due to his... somewhat exaggerated insurance claim filed after he was shot trying to save Fraser's life and it went all down hill from there, in a sense. First stop after finding out about Ray's untimely demise, the bank but they were of no help. While Ray was arguing, no discussing with the bank manager about the error made, a group of bank robbers disguised as the cleaning crew locked up the bank and attempted to rob it. Fortunately for the bank, unfortunately for Ray, Fraser was present and before the robbers could get anything out of the vault, Fraser locked Ray and himself inside it. Suffice to say, they saved the day by flooding the vault so that when the bank robbers blew the door open, they would be "surprised" by the flood of water and Fraser and Ray could arrest the perpetrators. 

"What was I thinking?" Fraser said out loud to himself. The only other "person" in the room with him was Diefenbaker and he was sleeping on the other side of Fraser's desk. Yes, the plan had worked but there was always that chance it wouldn't have. He would have not only risked his own life, which he was willing to do but the life of his best friend as well. The funeral that was planned for Ray could have been made real. "I must try to think things through more clearly and in better detail." 

Fraser was about to get up and leave his office to deliver his report to the Inspector when he heard a knock at his door. Before he had a chance to say anything, the door opened and Inspector Thatcher entered his office. She was a very beautiful woman, he noted and she had this aroma about her that he could not place. Fraser was standing at attention before they made eye contact. Her entrance caused Diefenbaker to wake and stand at attention as well. 

"Constable, where is your report for yesterday?" the Inspector asked, the look on her face was that of being agitated, which Fraser seemed to cause. . . regularly. 

"Sir . . . I mean Ma'am, I was just about to bring it to you." Fraser answered, handing his report to the Inspector, hoping that was the answer she was looking for . . . which it wasn't. 

"Well, you should have delivered it early. Really Fraser, if you plan on remaining a Liaison Officer of this consulate, you need to be more punctual." Inspector Thatcher said as she took the report from Fraser, turned and left his office. Diefenbaker groaned as the Inspector closed the door behind her. 

"Dief, I know, but she's my superior officer, what else can I do?" Fraser said understanding that Diefenbaker didn't like what he saw. "It will get better with time, I promise." Diefenbaker just huffed and laid back down. 

* * *

"Benton Fraser," Victoria told the nurse as she was filling out the birth certificate, "he is the father." Victoria was very weak from the delivery, she had a hard labor. The doctors had moved her to the intensive care unit due her hemorrhaging. 

"Miss, what is the child's name?" the nurse questioned, trying to get the information before Victoria fell back into unconsciousness. 

There was a long pause. Victoria was still awake, just staring at the ceiling. How she wished he was here with her. She knew she wasn't strong enough to get through this, she could feel it. Why was this happening to her? Just when she thought everything was going to work out for herself . . . she didn't have the man she loved next to her but she had his child and that was good enough. This wasn't the way it was suppose to be. 

"Miss, did you hear me?" the nurse asked as she touched Victoria's arm. 

"Yes," Victoria said weakly. "His name is . . . Robert Benton Fraser." It took all her strength to continue but she had to. Victoria grabbed the nurse's arm as she continued "You must make sure, if anything should happen to me . . . my child must be taken to his father." She stopped for a second to catch her breath. "He is a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and he is currently stationed at the Canadian Consulate in Chicago." She was looking at the nurse with intense eyes. 

"Miss, you are going to OK, don't worry". 

"He doesn't know, you have to promise me . . ." Victoria fell back onto her pillow due to weakness and shortly after she lost consciousness, never to wake again. 

* * *

It had been a long while since Fraser actually thought about her. Yes, occasionally she popped into his head, late at night when he was lying in his bed . . . the bed they had shared, but other than those few times, he was sure he had gotten her out of his system. Why now? Why did this have to happen? He stared at the phone he had just hung up. Fraser had received a call from a hospital in Texas, the minute he heard the state's name he knew who it was about but he wasn't expecting this. All they told him was that Victoria, even though that wasn't the name she was using, had passed away during the night and there was some unfinished business he needed to come down and take care of. What on earth did he need to take care of and why did she give them his name? 

Fraser knew Texas was where she was heading but he never told the authorities of that fact. He couldn't betray her again. The first time he betrayed her, the guilt nearly got him killed, he wasn't going to do it to her or himself a second time. 

The only person he could think of to help him was Ray and Fraser hoped he would help. After what happened that fateful night at the train station, Fraser wasn't sure Ray would agree to accompany him down to Texas but Fraser needed him. Fraser knew he couldn't do this alone. 

Fraser got up from his desk and headed to the Inspector's office. How was he going to get a couple days off? What a horrible time for this to be happening. Fraser and the Inspector were actually becoming . . . close, if that was permitted to be said or happen. They had shared a long awaited first kiss on top of a run away train and things had never been the same since. This wasn't the time to be leaving town to attend to things surrounding an ex-lover, especially when that ex-lover was a wanted criminal. As he approached the Inspector's door he knocked, waiting for her permission to enter. 

"Come in." Inspector Thatcher called from within her office. 

Fraser hesitated slightly before entering. He had no clue of what he was going to tell her but he opened the office door and entered anyway, he had no choice. Inspector Thatcher was sitting at her desk typing on a laptop computer. As he entered, he noticed her take off her reading glasses, yet she continued to work. Fraser adored her insecurities. 

"Ma'am, may I have a word with you?" Fraser asked as he shut the door behind him and walked towards her desk. He stood at attention in front of her. 

"Take a seat Constable," the Inspector said motioning to the chair next to Fraser. She closed her laptop to give Fraser her full attention. 

Fraser could not sit down and relax, so he remained standing but in a relaxed stance. "There's some urgent business that has come up unexpectantly in which I must attend to and I was wondering, if it is at all possible, could I have a couple days off to attend to them?" Fraser tried to give as little detail as possible. He didn't want to worry her with them . . . if she would worry . . . Fraser was unsure. 

Inspector Thatcher stared at Fraser for a few moments. The look on his face was that of a devastated man. He never asked for time off, so this was very unusual and she felt that it was something serious. "Is there something I should be aware of Constable?" There was concern in her voice. 

"No Ma'am, it is something of a personal nature." Fraser didn't like keeping things from her but he felt it was necessary. "I can use some of my sick days to cover my time off if you would like." 

"Permission granted Constable." She tried to seem like she didn't care but she did. She was worried about him. If he wanted her to know he would tell her, his personal life was none of her business, right? She still worried. 

"Thank you kindly Ma'am. I will be leaving today and return . . . I'm not sure when. I wouldn't think to be gone any longer than a week." Fraser was at a loss as to how long he would need. He didn't even know why or what he was going for. 

"That is fine Constable, just be careful and return safely." There was caring in her voice this time, she could tell what ever he was going for was serious as he had said. Neither of them knew just how serious. "Dismissed Constable." Inspector Thatcher said in her normal "Superior Officer" voice. 

* * *

Fraser left the consulate straight away and headed to the Vecchio household with Diefenbaker. Lucky for Fraser, Ray was on vacation this week, so there was no worry about Ray being able to get the time off. The only worry now was to get Ray to come with him. 

As Fraser bounded up the front stoop of Ray's house, the front door opened. Francesca came running out of the house and bumped into Fraser. She was still in her bathrobe and her hair was in curlers. . 

"Oh, Fraser, I didn't see you there." Francesca said as she backed away, touching her hair and realizing what she looked like. She was terribly embarrassed. "I was just coming out to get the morning paper." 

Fraser stooped down, picked up the paper and handed it to Francesca. "I'm sorry if I startled you, I didn't mean to. Is Ray home?" 

"Yes he is, let me get him for you." Francesca turned, popped her head back in the door and yelled "RAY! You have a visitor!" She turned back to Fraser with a sweet girl look on her face and said "Won't you come in?" Fraser and Diefenbaker followed Francesca into the Vecchio house. 

Fraser sat down in the living room, waiting for Ray to come downstairs and began to think of how he was going to explain what was happening. Fraser was pretty sure Ray would agree to go with him but there was always the chance he would say no. She had come between them before with terrible consequences left in the aftermath, leaving Ray to pick up the pieces of Fraser's life. This time, Fraser was left to pick up the pieces of her life. A feeling of sadness began to take Fraser over. 

Ray came trotting down the stairs. "Who's here to see me?" He yelled at his sister. "It better be something good this early in the morning." Francesca just ignored him. Ray turned and walked into the living room to find Fraser and Diefenbaker. Ray was still in his pajamas and bathrobe. The look on Fraser's face was grim and that worried Ray. "What's up Benny? Shouldn't you be at work?" Ray sat down in the chair across from the couch Fraser was sitting on. Diefenbaker was sprawled out on the floor in between the two friends. 

"If I was on duty today, yes I should." Fraser replied matter-of-factly. It had been months since the two of them even mentioned her name in conversation, things were going good between them. Ray was the person who got Fraser though that whole dark time and now Fraser was about to drag him back into the thick of it. 

"Benny are you OK?" Ray asked leaning forward to give Fraser his full attention. 

Fraser sat there looking at his friend, his best friend. Both men would do anything for the other - had done anything for the other - no questions asked. They would even risk their own lives and that they have. Fraser just wasn't sure if he should ask Ray to go. Did he have the right to even consider it? Their friendship withstood the test of Victoria once but could it survive a second time? 

"Ray, I need to ask a favor of you." Fraser began, not knowing how to begin. Fraser didn't make eye contact with Ray as he continued. He was too embarrassed to be asking such a huge favor of such a kind man, undeserving of being pulled through hell a second time. 

"Shoot," Ray said, unaware of the events that had happened, unaware of what his best friend was about to ask him. 

"I have to make an unexpected trip to Texas and . . . I know you're on vacation but I was wondering if you wouldn't mind accompanying me there?" Fraser didn't tell him everything at first, he was certain he would say no if he did. 

"Texas, hmm, I'm game, I really didn't have anything special planned for my vacation. What's the catch?" Typical Ray, always knew there wasn't just a trip involved. 

A smirk hit Fraser's face at that question, he knew Fraser too well. "Ray, it's Victoria." That was all he could say at first. He looked up at his friend and Ray had slumped back into the chair he was sitting in with a look of disbelief on his face almost asking with his eyes, 'how could you ask me such a questions?' 

Both men locked eyes and Ray could see the distress on Fraser's face. How could Fraser be thinking of going to her again? She nearly got him killed the last time . . . well, she didn't pull the trigger . . . Ray stood up quickly and started pacing frantically, arms flailing "Benny, how can you go to her again? I thought you were over her. What does she want now?" Ray stopped pacing and was standing in front of his friend with his arms crossed on his chest, breathing heavy after the rant he gave. 

Fraser had a slightly sad look on his face when he answered. "Ray, she's dead." 

Ray dropped his arms to his side and sat down next to Fraser. He couldn't believe what Fraser told him. In a way, it was an answer to his prayers, no longer would she have this invisible hold on Fraser but he never wished her dead . . . not really. 

"A hospital in Texas called me this morning to tell me of her passing, they didn't use her actual name but I know it's her. They said I have some unfinished business to clear up for her." Fraser now felt guilty for never saying he knew where she was going. "Ray, I knew she was heading to Texas, I just couldn't tell anyone. I couldn't do it again . . ." Leaning forward, Fraser placed his head in his hands, tears welling up. 

Ray placed his hand on Fraser's shoulder. "It's OK Benny, I kind of figured you knew. I just figured it was none of my business." 

"Ray, it's not OK, you and I are both law enforcement officers. What kind of example have I shown?" Fraser was disappointed by his actions of the past. At the time, he felt he wasn't hurting anyone but he was hurting justice. Fraser leaned back in the couch and was staring at the ceiling, Ray did the same thing. 

"Fraser, do you have to go? I mean, why would you want to put yourself through the heartache all over again?" Ray couldn't imagine what Fraser would have to do down in Texas unless this was her last chance at totally upsetting the life of the most righteous man he knew. 

"Ray, I have to go, there is no questions about it, but I can't do this alone." Fraser was desperate. He knew she was dead and she couldn't hurt him again but the emotional toll this was causing was too great to handle alone. 

"I know Benny, that's why I am going with you." Ray knew he was going to Texas the minute he heard her name. He couldn't . . . wouldn't let Fraser do it alone. 

* * *

The plane ride to Texas was a quiet one, there wasn't much to talk about. Both men were very apprehensive about what they were getting themselves into but knew they would be there for each other. Ray was going to be the biggest help for Fraser. Ray was going to be Fraser's anchor in this journey. Hopefully this was to be the last time she would be affecting their lives. 

Once the plane landed and they collected their luggage, Fraser and Ray headed towards their hotel to check in. The hotel was very nice, a little more "equipped" than Fraser liked but he knew Ray wouldn't stay in any place less. The temperature was much warmer than Fraser was use to so he had to shed his coat and shirt he wore over a loose T'shirt. Due to the temperature increase, Fraser decided to leave his hat behind. Fraser almost felt . . . naked wearing so little, but he was at least comfortable in his jeans and T'shirt. Ray on the other hand was wearing shorts and a very bright short sleeved cotton button-up shirt. 

"So what hospital are we suppose to go to?" Ray asked as he finished unpacking the "essentials". 

"North West Texas Hospital." Fraser answered, he was getting nervous. 

Ray sensed his nervousness. "Fraser, it's gonna be OK. She can't hurt you anymore." 

* * *

Warm air hit them as they walked through the entrance of the hospital. The smell reminded Fraser of his stay at the hospital in Chicago after the last time he saw Victoria. All the emotions, memories and pain came back to him in one blow. He remembered the first time he saw her in Chicago how hopeful he was. Then he remembered how everything turned for the worse. He expected too much from her. Fraser looked as if he was going to pass out when Ray's right hand grabbed Fraser's right arm and Ray's left arm supported his back. "You OK Benny?" Ray asked shocked, he never saw the Mountie falter like that. Regaining his composure, Fraser nodded his head and they continued through the entrance. 

As they approached the admissions desk Fraser asked, "Excuse me, I am looking for Dr. Sumerson, do you know where I can find her?" 

"Yes, she is located on the seventh floor. Is she expecting you?" the receptionist asked. 

"Yes she is, thank you kindly." Fraser said as he and Ray turned and headed towards the elevators. 

"So Fraser, what kind of doctor is this Sumerson?" Ray asked as the elevator doors closed and he pushed the seventh floor button. 

"I'm not sure Ray, she never said, why?" 

"Just curious. Did she say what happened to Victoria?" 

"No." That was a question Fraser had been asking himself since he spoke with the doctor on the phone. Fraser had hoped that when Victoria left Chicago she would have tried to reform her life but by the look of things, it didn't seem possible. 

As the doors to the elevator opened, Fraser was the first to pop out, followed by Ray. Fraser walked in almost a daze following the directions to the closest nurse's station. He didn't even pay attention to the words that told them what floor they were on, but Ray did. Ray stared in disbelief as he read the word "Maternity". He couldn't believe bells weren't going off in Fraser's head but then again, Fraser did have too much on his mind already. 

As they approached the nurse's station, Fraser asked for Dr. Sumerson and the nurse pointed them to the waiting room down the hall. "I will send her as soon as she is done with her current patient." 

"Thank you kindly." Fraser said as he turned and headed towards the waiting area. 

It was a fifteen minutes wait, a very long fifteen minutes. Fraser sat calmly in a chair by the window, oblivious to Ray's slight . . . panicked pacing. All Fraser was thinking of was Victoria . . . then Inspector Thatcher . . . 

"Benton Fraser?" Dr. Sumerson walked into the waiting area, unsure which person she was there to see. 

Fraser got up and walked over to the doctor, stretching out his hand to shake hers. "I'm Benton Fraser." He smiled at her. 

"It is good to meet you. Will you come with me?" She asked as she gestured for him to follow her. 

"Yes, this is my good friend Ray Vecchio. Is it OK if he comes too?" 

"It would be best to have someone with you who is close to you while we discuss the situation." Dr. Sumerson led them down the hall, talking with them about what had happened. "You're aware of Ms. Robinson's untimely death, how long has it been since you've seen her?" 

Fraser had to think about that question, even though there hadn't been that much time that had passed it seemed like a lifetime. "I do believe it's been less than a year, maybe eight or nine months." Fraser was truly unsure. 

"That would explain a lot," the doctor said. "Has anyone explained the circumstances revolving around her death?" 

"No, you are the only person I have spoken with. She had no family to speak of . . . is there something wrong?" Fraser was becoming concerned he didn't know what to expect. 

"Well, she was involved in a very serious car accident which caused her to go into early labor." The doctor confirmed what Ray had been thinking since they got off the elevator. 

Early Labor? What? Fraser stopped walking and was staring at the doctor, then at Ray. This was the unfinished business, this can't be happening. 

"Mr. Fraser, Sarah told us you didn't know. It is very important that you listen to what I am saying." The doctor was concerned with the stunned look on his face. She needed to get through all the information before he jumped to any conclusions. 

Ray placed his arm around Fraser's shoulders to lead him the rest of the way. "Yes, I understand." Fraser finally popped out of his stupor. 

"She was nearing the end of her third trimester when the accident happened. We were able to deliver the child successfully but due to the extent of her injuries, Sarah didn't make it." The doctor continued, as they approached the nursery area of the maternity ward. 

"She told us that you were the father before she . . ." It was understood what had happened. 

There were too many emotions turning in Fraser, he didn't know what to say. He was angry that Victoria didn't tell him. He was sad that he had lost the mother of his child. He was happy to be a father. He was scared because he didn't know what to do. 

"Your son is the third infant from the right. He is perfectly healthy. There were no complications caused by the accident." The doctor pointed towards Fraser's son through the nursery window. He was wrapped up tightly in a blanket, unable to move if he wanted to and sleeping soundly. He was a perfect looking little guy. Fraser and Ray both turned with stunned looks on their faces as they beheld Fraser's child. The card on the crib read "Robert Benton Fraser". A small smile spread on Fraser's face and then everything went black. 

Fraser's knees buckled underneath him and his eye rolled back in his head as he passed out. Ray saw his friend waver and he caught Fraser before he hit the floor. Sitting on the floor with Fraser in his arms, all Ray could think was Fraser's life was never going to be the same. Victoria strikes again, but was it going to be so bad? 

* * *

On the ride back from the airport in Chicago, Fraser sat in the back seat of the Riv with his child. The car seat used, Ray bought for him while he was finishing up last minute details in Texas. He couldn't believe how his life had turned out. When Victoria left him for dead on that train platform, part of his soul had died. Never in a million years did he expect her to come back to him, at least not this way. 

While in Texas, Fraser had to clear out her modest apartment. He packed all her clothes and personal items to be sent to a local shelter. All the items she had purchases for their child, Fraser packed up and had shipped back to Chicago. There werea few pictures of Victoria and her family around the apartment that Fraser took with him for their child. Victoria's body had been sent on a different flight to a local Chicago funeral home for burial purposes. Fraser decided to bury her close to where he was currently living for their child. When Robert grew up, he knew that would be important. 

The Riv came to a stop outside Fraser's apartment building and Fraser leaned forward into the front of the car to release the passenger's door and proceeded to get out. "Do you need any help Benny?" Ray asked as he got out of the car too. 

"No Ray, I think I will be fine." Fraser was lying. "Do you thing your family would mind keeping Diefenbaker another day, until we get settled?" 

"Sure Benny, whatever you need. I'm here for you, you know that don't you?" Ray asked as he closed the passenger door after Fraser collected the car seat holding his son. 

"Yes Ray, I know. I truly appreciate your generosity, thank you." Fraser was heading towards the entrance of the building. "Could you pick me up tomorrow for work?" 

"Benny, don't I always?" Ray said as he walked back around his car towards the driver's door. "If you need anything, I am just a phone call away." 

"Thanks Ray." Fraser entered his apartment building, carrying the car seat containing his son in one hand and a bag with miscellaneous "baby" items he himself didn't realize were needed in the other. This was going to be the hardest journey he has ever been on and he didn't even realize it yet. 

* * *

The morning started early for Fraser, 4:00am, with a cry from his son. As he got up, he stumbled to the kitchen to put together a bottle. Never in a million years did Fraser ever think he would be doing this but there he was, in his modest kitchen, making a bottle for his son. "His son" was the phrase Fraser couldn't get use to hearing himself say. 

Once the bottle was done heating up and Fraser checked the temperature on his wrist, he walked over to the make shift crib (dresser drawer) and picked his son up. The minute he picked him up, Robert stopped fussing and was at ease in his father's arms. A smile spread across Fraser's face as he sat down at the kitchen table and began feeding his son. Fraser sat in that position for the greater part of the early morning. He felt he could sit there all day holding his son. From the first time he held him at the Hospital in Texas Fraser loved him with a love he never knew he possessed. 

Hours had passed when there was a knock on his door. Before Fraser was able to get up to answer it, Ray pushed the door open and walked in accompanied by Diefenbaker. When Ray saw Fraser holding his son, his heart melted. It was a wonderful sight, something Victoria did was good for a change. 

"Morning Benny, ya know, you really need to get a lock for this door." Ray said as he closed the door to Fraser's spartan apartment. 

"Ray, there's a lot of things I need to do," Fraser said without looking at Ray, he just continued looking at the bundle he was cradling in his arms. "Ray, I don't know if I am ready for this." 

"Benny, it's a little late to be thinking that now." The comment didn't help, but it was the truth. Diefenbaker sat next to Fraser, resting his head on Fraser's knee. "Every new parent thinks that exact same thing you are. You're no freak of nature. It's natural to be a little scared at first, but as the days pass on, it will get a little better." 

Fraser finally looked at Ray, there was gratitude in his eyes. He couldn't believe how lucky he was to have a friend like Ray. Even though Fraser got on Ray's nerves now and again, actually truly annoying Ray time and again, they were still best friends. "Thank you Ray." 

"For what?" Ray asked. 

"For being there for me when I needed you." Fraser smiled at Ray. It was starting to get late in the morning. Fraser was already late for work this morning but he didn't seem to care. "Would you mind holding him while I get dressed?" Fraser asked Ray as he got up and handed the sleeping Robert to Ray before he had a chance to protest, if he was going to protest at all. 

Ray cradled Robert in his arms as he did his own nieces and nephews in the past. Ray had much experience in child care since his sister was still living at home with her children. It was almost like preparing him for this very moment. "Hey Benny, I was thinking last night about you and Bobby here." Ray began. 

"Bobby?" Fraser said as he popped his head out from the closet where he was getting dressed. 

"Yeah, you know, your Benny, he's Bobby. You don't like?" 

"No Ray, it's fine, I just never thought about him quite like that." Fraser didn't mind Ray calling Robert, Bobby. When he first met Ray, Benny unnerved him but he grew to like Benny, he loved it actually. Ray was the only person who called Fraser Benny and he liked it that way, preferred it. 

"Anyway, I was thinking, maybe you and Bobby here could move in with my family for a little while. Ya know, until you get settle." Diefenbaker looked at Ray and made a slight whine. "Ya, you too Dief." 

"Although the offer is quite generous and I truly do appreciate it, I couldn't impose on you like that." Fraser said and he emerged from the closet dressed in his civilian clothing. 

"Benny, you wouldn't be imposing, believe me. Ma would love having another baby around the house to spoil." Ray was trying to entice Fraser to no avail. 

"Thank you for the offer but I still must decline." Fraser said as he walked over to where the bag of baby items sat and began digging through the stuff he brought from Victoria's apartment, looking for something Robert could wear for the day or at least the next couple hours. 

"Well then would you at least let my family babysit for you while you're at work? I will not take no for an answer. They won't take no for an answer." Ray said as he walked over to Fraser. "I like the blue sleeper." 

"Really? I like the yellow." Fraser went with Ray's choice. "Ray I accept your families offer. I really don't know anyone else who I would trust with Robert." 

"Then it's settled. Hey, where's the uniform?" Ray asked as he handed Robert to Fraser for changing. Robert started waking up with a big whale. Fraser started making little baby noises as he tried to calm his son, and it work. It was like they were connected yet they had only been together less than a week. 

"I can't report for duty today Ray. While I was lying in bed last night, I started thinking and . . . I have far too many things to take care of before I can go back to work. I do need a ride to the consulate so I can get permission for the additional time off." Fraser finally got Robert's sleeper off. He was being so gentle with Robert it was taking forever but he would improve with experience. "Also, I was wondering, since you are still on vacation, would you mind coming with me to buy a few . . . well . . . a lot of things for the baby?" 

"Benny, I would like nothing better." Ray said as he handed Fraser a diaper. 

* * *

Ray hopped out of the Riv and strolled to the other side of the car.  
As he opened the passenger door, Diefenbaker popped out. Ray pulled  
the seat forward to let Fraser out. After Fraser retrieved the car seat  
containing his son, Ray closed the door. "Are you sure you're ready  
for this?"

"Yes Ray, what is there to be afraid of?" Fraser asked as he and Ray crossed the street towards the consulate. 

"Dragon Lady ring any bells?" Ray was trying to be nice, but it just wasn't his nature when it came to the Inspector. 

"Ray." Fraser said in a scolding way. "She's not all that bad. I wish you would ease up on your teasing." Ray opened the door to the consulate for Fraser. "Thank you kindly." Fraser passed through the doorway and a knot formed in his stomach. He was able to say he was ready for the confrontation but he wasn't. 

Fraser headed towards his office, trying to avoid the Inspector at all cost. He just wasn't ready to see her yet. Diefenbaker followed Fraser and Ray followed Diefenbaker. Ray could tell Fraser wasn't ready to confront the Dragon Lady but it had to be done sooner or later. As Fraser opened the door to his office and walked in he heard from inside his office . . . 

"Constable, I'm glad you finally decided to grace us with your presence." Inspector Thatcher was waiting in Fraser's office for him. The minute Fraser heard her voice he moved the car seat behind him, what he thought he was hiding, who knows. "Why are you out of uniform Constable?" 

Dragon Lady strikes again. 

"Sir. . . Ma'am . . . I'm sorry to say I cannot report for duty yet." Fraser was very nervous. 

"But you are here Constable. There better be a good explanation for this." She knew there had to be . . . or at least there better be. Not only did he take off a week, he didn't give her any type of explanation, only 'it's of a personal nature.' 

"I assure you there is sir." Fraser began sweating. Behind him, Robert started stirring and little whimpering noises could be heard. Ray stood there like he heard nothing, rolling his eyes towards the ceiling to avoid a stare down with the Dragon Lady. 

"Constable, what are you hiding behind your back?" Inspector Thatcher asked as she tried to maneuver to see around him. 

"Ah, nothing sir . . . well . . . yes . . ." Fraser couldn't lie, it wasn't in his nature. He pulled the car seat from behind him and set it on his desk. Robert hadn't waken up, he had just stirred. 

Inspector Thatcher's eyes softened at the sight of the child, her maternal instinct was kicking in. "What a darling little baby. May I hold him?" Inspector Thatcher asked as she walked closer to the desk. She started making cooing noises to Robert, a side of her Ray, let alone Fraser, had never seen. 

"Yes, sir." Fraser said as he began unstrapping Robert from his car seat. Fraser scooped up his son then placed him in the Inspector's arms. Their eyes met, she smiled at Fraser but he quickly looked away. 

"So, what is the child's name? Is he a new nephew Detective?" She asked. 

"No sir." Fraser said. The only way to tell her was to be straight forward, honest . . . and brutal. "His name is Robert Benton Fraser." That was all he needed to say. 

Inspector Thatcher was rendered speechless, that was a first. She looked at Fraser with eyes asking how, why, who? Ray was beginning to feel uncomfortable in this situation so he decided to leave them alone in Fraser's office. Diefenbaker joined Ray in the corridor. 

"Sir, it seems . . . before you came to the Consulate . . . Victoria . . ." Fraser didn't know how to being the long, drawn out story of his life. 

"I know the woman Constable." She understood what he was trying to say without him even saying a word. Her heart was breaking for him and for herself. "Where is the woman now? Isn't she wanted by the Feds?" The comment hurt Fraser deeply, she could see it in his eyes and she didn't know why she had said that. 

"She died last week." Fraser replied meekly. "That was what I had to take care ofthese last couple days, Victoria and Robert." He knew she didn't mean any harm but the words she spoke still hurt. It wasn't that he still loved Victoria, it had been a long time since he loved her or at least it seemed like a long time. They were connected now, for life, dead or alive. 

"I'm sorry Fraser." She was ashamed of herself and the harsh words she had chosen to say. No matter what Victoria was in life, she was dead now and he had loved her and conceived a child with her. 'Conceived a child with her.' She couldn't get those words out of her head. Not only had he conceived a child with a criminal but that criminal wasn't planning on having him be a part of their child's life. What kind of woman would do that to such a caring, giving, honest, smart, good looking . . . her mind wandered. 

"No need to apologize, you didn't know." Fraser looked at her and smiled. Inspector Thatcher smiled in return. 

"Well, I need to get back to work." She said and handed Robert back to his father. 

"Sir, I will need today off as well, if you permit." Fraser began, expecting daggers to come shooting at him from her eyes. "You see, I need to do a little shopping for Robert . . . a crib, formula, diapers and the like." He couldn't even imagine everything he was going to need. 

"Permission granted Constable, but I expect you at work, on time tomorrow morning. Is that clear?" She was trying to be stern but she didn't mean it. Fraser took on a whole new persona to her now, a father. She couldn't believe it. If anyone was going to be a parent between the two of them, she was certain it would be her first. 

"Thank you kindly sir . . . Ma'am . . . Meg." 

Inspector Thatcher blushed slightly as she left Fraser's office, passing Ray upon her exit. Ray just looked at her. He couldn't believe it, the Dragon Lady was blushing. Fraser had this pull over her that she didn't want to admit to but Ray saw it. He even saw the pull she had over Fraser. Fraser and the Dragon Lady. . . Ray just shuttered. 

* * *

"Fraser, a little help here!" Ray was struggling to pull the large box up the stairwell of Fraser's apartment building. Fraser had already bounded up the first three flights before Ray accomplished one step. Ray and Fraser were returning from their day of shopping and what a day it had been. Neither of them could agree on what to get which made for a long day and very many compromises. 

Fraser walked to his apartment door and opened it. Diefenbaker met him at the door with a goofy look on his face. "No, none of these packages are for you. Is that all you think about, you, you, you?" Fraser said as he entered his spartan apartment and placed all the parcels he was carrying on the floor. Diefenbaker groaned, turnedand walked back to where Francesca was rocking Robert in her arms. What a sight that was for Fraser to behold. He had seen Francesca in many different roles but the motherly role was not one of them. Fraser turned and left to help Ray bring up the crib they purchased that afternoon. Ray had only made it up the first flight of stairs and he was sweating already. 

"It's about time you showed up." Ray said. "Grab that end." The move was a lot easier with two people. The hard part was just ahead of them, putting the crib together. 

What a fiasco that was. Francesca just sat there shaking her head every time Ray got frustrated and threw the directions at Fraser. They put the crib together three times before getting it right and even then they weren't sure but it looked like the pictures and there were no extra parts needing homes so they were pleased. 

"This wasn't how I expected to be spending my vacation Benny," Ray began, "but I must admit, I've enjoyed it." Ray stood back to view their accomplishment. "Are you sure you don't need any help? You know my offer still stands." 

Fraser shook his head. "I'm sure Ray. I have to do this on my own or at least try." 

"You are so stubborn, you know that?" Ray said. 

"Understood." Fraser said as he smiled at his friend. 

Ray turned to look at his sister. "Let's go Francesca, Ma is expecting us for dinner." 

Francesca got up, walked over to Fraser and handed Robert to him. She placed her hand on the top of Robert's head, "Fraser, he's so precious." She kissed Robert's cheek. 

"Francesca, let's go." Ray was getting impatient. 

"Bye Fraser," Francesca said as she headed towards her brother and the door. 

"Goodbye Francesca, thank you for watching Robert while Ray and I were out," Fraser said as he walked his friends out, carrying Robert. "Ray, thank you for your assistance today. I had no idea about everything I was going to need." 

"No problem Benny. I'll see you in the morning." Ray said as he and Francesca left Fraser's apartment. 

After they left, Fraser locked his door for the first time since he'd lived their, turned and looked at his apartment. Diefenbaker was laying next to the crib they had constructed. Fraser walked towards the crib, kicked it to test it's sturdiness, then placed Robert in it. He seemed so small in the vast space of the crib. It was a reality check for Fraser. Everything that had happened seemed to hit him like a ton of bricks and he still had to bury Victoria's body. How could one man be put through so much in such a short time? Diefenbaker got up and nudged his nose against Fraser's leg. "Right you are." Fraser said, "I'll make us dinner." 

* * *

It was the hardest and longest four months of Fraser's life and it wasn't getting any easier. Between the burial, Robert's sleeping (or should that be waking) habits, work and Diefenbaker, Fraser was wearing himself thin. He continued on with determination . . . foolish determination . . . stubbornness. That's how he treated every situation in life, why would this be any different? 

"Constable!" Inspector Thatcher exclaimed upon entering Fraser's office. The sight she saw took her by surprise. 

Fraser was sitting at his desk, head down and nearly drooling as he dozed. Upon her entrance he bolted up and struggled to stand at attention. Fraser had been sleeping for an hour before anyone noticed . . . even himself. "Sir, I apologize for my behavior this afternoon." Fraser said as a yawn escaped uncontrollably. "I don't know what's come over me." 

This behavior was not normal for Constable Benton Fraser, she knew that and she knew what the cause of it was . . . parenthood. Inspector Thatcher could only imagine what his life was like now. How tough it must be for a man like him. Fraser was dedicated to "Maintaining the Right" and now he was being torn between two worlds - his "duty" and his "family". 

"Constable . . . Fraser . . . Ben, I understand what you are going through. I, myself, have never experienced your situation but I do understand." Inspector Thatcher didn't know where she was going with this conversation but she continued. "You need to take care of yourself. The way you're running, you are in no condition to be here at work and I am certain you are in no condition to take care of your son." That was the first time she said those words, your son. "Isn't there anyone who can help you at home?" 

"Detective Vecchio offered his family's assistance but I declined the offer sir." Fraser said as he was trying to wipe the sleep out of his eyes. "I need to do this on my own, at least try." 

"Fraser, you can't do this to yourself. You're going to have a nervous breakdown before the year is out." She was worried about him, more than she wanted him to know. Inspector Thatcher knew there was nothing she could do to help him. "Ok, here's what I am going to do. Fraser, you have the rest of the afternoon off but under one condition, you go home and get some sleep. Understood?" 

"Understood." Fraser agreed for he was too tired not to agree. 

"I will call the Vecchio's and let them know where you will be, OK?" Inspector Thatcher wanted so much to take him home, tuck him in and watch him sleep the afternoon away but that wouldn't be appropriate. 

"Thank you Meg." Fraser was truly grateful. "Would you let the Vecchio's know I will pick Robert up at my usual time? Oh, and would you call Ray to let him know I won't need a ride?" 

"Certainly Fraser, now go get some sleep." 

Fraser left the consulate to walk home. The walk was quite refreshing and the fresh air helped clear his head. By the time he got home, Fraser felt like doing nothing more than crawl into his bed and sleep straight through the weekend. He knew he couldn't do that, he had Robert to think about and Diefenbaker. 

When Fraser opened the door to this apartment and walked in, he didn't even notice Diefenbaker wake with a startle at Fraser's early return and jump off the bed. Fraser just walked towards his closet to change out of his red serge uniform and into a pair a jeans and a T'shirt. 

Once changed, Fraser headed for his bed. When he was standing over the bed, he noticed the Diefenbaker sized indent in the covers. He was too tired to care about arguing with Diefenbaker and just crawled into bed. As he lay on his back, Fraser stared at the ceiling and stared and stared and stared. He was so tired but he couldn't fall asleep. "Oh great." 

Fraser laid there for what seemed like an hour before giving up. He was in a very relaxed state when he sat up and saw a figure standing by the window. He knew who it was and the sight of her took his breath away. "Am I dreaming?" 

She didn't answer his question as she continued staring out the window. "Do you know how long it's been since I've been in this room?" 

"It's been a long time." Fraser said, even though it had been only little over a year. Her hair was as beautiful as he had remembered from that time, not like it was when he saw her in the morgue in Texas. There her hair was cut in a bob style and the curls had been straightened. 

"Since before Robert." She turned to look at him, her eyes were sad. Victoria didn't move any closer to Fraser but kept her distance. "Ben, what are you doing to yourself?" Fraser just stared at her. He didn't have an answer for her. "Ben, I made sure before I died that Robert would be with you. I knew you would take care of him and never let anything happen to him." 

Fraser swung his legs of the bed and went to stand up. A slight dizziness took over in his head and he nearly fell face first to the floor. As Fraser tried to regain his composure, he crawled to sit on the edge of the bed. Her gaze towards him darkened. 

"Ben, look at you. You can't even take care of yourself let alone our child. What was I thinking?" Her voice wasn't caring at all, it had changed to the sound he heard when he had betrayed her. She was trying to hurt him. 

"I assure you, I am doing the best I can." Fraser didn't know what to say. He was trying and he knew his best wasn't good enough. He didn't need to hear it from her. 

"When do you plan on giving up?" She had such a smugness about her, Fraser could tell she was trying to push his buttons. 

"I will never give up." Fraser said. 

"I'll believe that when I see it." Victoria said as she began to move towards the door of Fraser's apartment. 

As he watch Victoria turn to leave all he could do was try to stop her. There was so much information he needed to hear from her. What happened when she left? Why didn't she tell him about Robert? Was she happy in Texas? Was Robert a burden? 

Fraser stood up and started rounding the bed. As the dizziness caught him again, he fell, hitting his head on the corner of the stand next to his bed. He was down for the count. 

* * *

With a loud thud, Fraser hit the floor startling himself awake. As he sat there for a few seconds, straining for his vision to clear, Fraser reached up to feel where he thought he had hit his head on the nightstand . . . there was nothing. "It was only a dream." Fraser said out loud as he got to his knees and climbed back into bed. Fraser looked at his watch, he had been asleep for three hours before falling out of bed and it only felt like ten minutes. 

Fraser pulled the blankets up to his neck and curled up on his side. His bed was the safest place for him right now. It was warm, comforting, his space and no one could hurt him there . . . even though he had been hurt. Fraser took a deep breath and sighed. The words Victoria had spoken in his dream hurt him like a thousand knives and he felt even more insecure about being a father. 

"She's right you know." A familiar voice Fraser hadn't heard in a while. Why now, why was he agreeing with her now? "Dad, what are you saying?" Fraser asked as he sat up with an anger he never knew he had, he was being defensive. 

"Son, you're not taking care of yourself. You can't go on doing this alone." Fraser Sr. said as he sat down at the end of Fraser's bed with his back to Fraser. 

"Dad, I am alone. Do you see anyone else around here? It's me, Diefenbaker and Robert and Diefenbaker isn't trained to change diapers." Fraser didn't understand where his dad was heading with this conversation, he never knew where his dad was heading with any of his conversations. Nine times out of ten they made no sense what so ever. 

"You're not alone son. You have me." Fraser Sr. said turning his head slightly to see his son out of the corner of his eye. 

"Dad, you're dead. YOU ARE DEAD! Do you ever listen to yourself?" Fraser got up out of bed finally for he was never going to get back to sleep at this point. Every time he argued with his dad, his blood would start to boil and there would be no going back to the relaxed state of sleep. Fraser headed towards the closet to grab his plaid flannel shirt to wear over his T'shirt. 

"Why do you have to keep reminding me of that? I know I'm dead." Fraser Sr. got up and walked towards his son. 

"It's a fact Dad. You are dead, meaning, you can't help me." Fraser grabbed his hat and headed for the door. "And Dad, don't follow me." Fraser exited his apartment leaving his dad standing there. "Lunatic." Fraser said as he headed towards the stairwell. 

"Lunatic." Fraser Sr. said. 

* * *

It was after six and Ray was pacing the floor of his living room, waiting. Fraser was late picking Robert up and Fraser's never late. It had started raining earlier that afternoon and there was no sign of it letting up anytime soon. Ray looked at his watch, 6:17pm. Where was that Mountie? Fraser always picked Robert up at 5:45pm. Ray usually swung by the consulate to pick Fraser up but on the days Fraser walked from the consulate, it was 5:45pm and no later and today, since he had been sent home early for a little R&R, it should have been 5:30pm. Maybe he slept in a bit, he has been running himself ragged these last couple weeks. Ray calmed himself down. Breathe Ray, just breathe. That's all it was, he slept in and he needed his sleep. 

Ray decided to give Fraser a break and give him another hour before he would really panic. It was dinner time at the Vecchio household after all, no need to let that get cold, and if Fraser should show up, he would invite him to stay for dinner. Ray was feeling a little better but he still continued to check his watch at least every five minutes. 

* * *

The rain pelted him hard as Fraser continued to walk . . . destination unknown. He had been walking for hours before the rain started and he was quite angry with himself that he hadn't brought his coat but the more he walked in the rain, the more he didn't seem to care about not having it. It only took ten minutes for Fraser to become thoroughly soaked and he continued to walk. He didn't want to go home, he didn't want to go to Ray's, he didn't want to deal with anyone or anything, not even his son. Then her words popped in his head "When do you plan on giving up?" Was he giving up as she predicted in his dream? 

* * *

It was now 7:00pm and Fraser still was a no show, now the panic began for Ray. He knew a person could only be pushed so far to the breaking point and he believed . . . he felt this was Fraser's breaking point. Ray didn't know how he knew, he just knew. Ray went to the phone and dialed up the Consulate hoping someone would still be there. 

To Ray's surprise, the Dragon Lady herself picked up the phone and gave the normal "Good evening, Canadian Consulate, blah blah blah" greeting. Ray usually tuned out the rest of the "Official Consulate Greeting" once the French version started. 

"Inspector Thatcher," Ray began, being as polite as he was able to be in the panicked state he was in, "this is Ray. Have you seen Fraser since you sent him home today?" 

"No Detective, is there something wrong?" Inspector Thatcher asked with concern in her voice. Even though she didn't like to admit to it, she did care for Fraser, and Ray could hear it in her voice. 

"Well, he never showed up tonight to pick Bobby up. This just isn't like him." Ray wasn't getting any calmer. 

"What do you want me to do Detective?" 

"Well, I am heading out to look for him now. Do you think you could hang out at the consulate until I call you back with news, just in case he shows up there?" Ray was reaching into the closet for his coat and umbrella as he talked with Inspector Thatcher. 

"Yes, Detective, that is no problem." Inspector Thatcher replied. 

"Ok, I will call you once I locate him and I will locate him." Ray was trying to reassure the Inspector and she appreciated that. 

"I know you will Detective, thank you." Inspector Thatcher hung up the phone and walked to the window in her office. It was pouring out and she couldn't imagine, no, yes she could imagine Fraser walking around in this downpour. She shivered at the thought and turned to sit back down at her desk. As she sat there, she knew there was no hope of getting any work done. 

Ray grabbed his car keys and headed for the door. "Francesca?" Ray called back into the house. 

Francesca came running from the kitchen, "Ya Ray?" 

"If Benny should show up here while I'm out, keep him here. Do not let him leave until I return." Ray said, he noted Francesca's face brighten a bit at the thought of having to "restrain" Fraser in the house. "And Francesca, don't touch him." 

Francesca frowned at that but she knew he meant well. "Fine." 

Ray was out the door in a flash, umbrella in hand and coat snugly buttoned to the top. He couldn't believe how much it had rained that evening and that it was still going strong. Once in the car he was amazed at how drenched he was just from running from the house to the car. "Benny, if you are out in this . . ." He couldn't finish his sentence. 

* * *

The Riv was pulled to a screeching stop in front of Fraser's apartment building. Ray looked up at the window that was one of the few in Fraser's apartment. The apartment was dark. Maybe he was still sleeping. Ray climbed out of the Riv and headed to the entrance of the building. He bounded up the stairs two at a time until he hit the third floor and walked quickly to the end of the hallway and stood outside of Fraser's apartment. The last time he went looking for the missing Mountie he had a woman in his apartment. A woman Fraser loved more than his own senses let him know and here Ray was again, hunting the Mountie down and it was all due to that same woman. 

Ray knocked on the door first, to be polite. "Hey Benny, are you in there? It's me Ray." There was no answer. The only noise coming from the apartment was the sound of a whining Diefenbaker. Ray walked into the apartment and fumbled to find a light switch of any kind and when he did, he flipped it. It was a small light that lit up the kitchen but it enabled him to see the whole apartment since it wasn't that big. 

Diefenbaker walked up to Ray and nudged him in a worried way. "What's the matter Dief? Fraser leave you high and dry?" The wolf grumbled, not happy and this made Ray not so happy. Looking at Fraser's bed, the covers were disrupted which told him he did come home for some sleep but didn't stay. In the closet hung both of Fraser's coats. Looking around the apartment further he didn't see the Mountie's famous hat and he knew, Fraser was out in the rain just walking . . . wandering . . . where, Ray had no clue. Ray grabbed Fraser's blue wool coat from the closet. "Come on Dief, let's go find Fraser." Diefenbaker barked excitedly as he followed Ray to the door. 

Ray turned to look at the apartment one more time. The crib they put together tookup most of the "living room" space which made the apartment seem smaller. Ray felt a presence there but as he looked around the apartment he didn't see anyone or anything. Ray turned the light out and shut the door behind him. 

"You have a good friend son, who is willing to help you. Why do you keep pushing him away?" Fraser Sr. asked from the dark apartment. 

* * *

Ray had been driving for hours. The sun had gone down and the temperature dropped to the low forties which was quite chilly for the end of May. He had no idea where Fraser would go, he really didn't have a night life or many places to go. Fraser's normal stops: Canadian Consulate, the precinct, Ray's house, Fraser's apartment. There were no other places. "Dief, any suggestions are greatly appreciated here." Ray said to Diefenbaker who was sitting at attention, looking out the back seat window, searching for his friend. 

Ray slammed on the breaks and the Riv came to a screeching haul. "Why didn't I think of this earlier. Sometimes Ray, you just overlook the obvious." Ray turned the Riv around and headed towards the cemetery where Fraser had Victoria's body buried. 

* * *

Fraser was sitting on a bench that was located twenty feet from Victoria's grave. He didn't feel he had the right to go up to her grave. He was content with the distant view though. When he had buried her here, he didn't do it so he could visit her grave now and again but he buried her here for Robert. Fraser was numb. All the emotions he had that afternoon, the lack of sleep and the freezing rain were causing him to feel numb physically, mentally and emotionally. Fraser sat on the bench staring as the rain continued to pour down. Fraser didn't even notice as headlights lit the area up and a door slammed shut. 

When Ray pulled up the closet path near Victoria's grave, he saw Fraser, or at least what looked like Fraser without his hat perched on his head. The figure of a broken man didn't move when the lights hit his body. "Benny, whatare you doing to yourself?" Ray grabbed the umbrella and climbed out of the car. "Dief you stay here, we'll be right back." Diefenbaker barked as Ray slammed his door shut. 

Walking up to Fraser, Ray couldn't believe the most alert man he had ever known didn't even acknowledge his presence. Ray opened the umbrella and sat down next to his best friend and tried to shield them both from the rain. They sat there quietly for at least five minute as the rain continued to pour down. 

"Benny, what are you doing out here?" Ray asked, there was concern in his voice. He had never seen Fraser in such a state. 

"I loved her Ray." Fraser said still staring towards Victoria's grave. 

"I know Benny, I know." Ray placed his left hand on Fraser's shoulder. 

"I thought by letting her go, I was keeping her safe, protecting her. I could have tracked her down. I should have been with her." 

"Benny, you couldn't control what happened to her, call it fate." 

Fraser knew that was true. He knew if had he went with her, things would have been worse for all involved. She didn't really love him, only thought she did. There was too much hate in her soul for love. "I could have helped her . . . " Fraser began but couldn't finish. He leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees and cupping his head in his hands. Rain pelted his face and the tears started streaming down his cheeks, mixing with the raindrops already splashing his face. Fraser could hardly breathe through his sobbing. Fraser wasn't crying because she was gone but more because he had been left to raise their son . . . alone. 

An emotion, Fraser was feeling an emotion. It was a rare occurrence that Ray witnessed such a reaction from his friend but it was good to see. When Victoria originally left Chicago, leaving Fraser to die on the train platform, Fraser didn't even shed a tear, at least not in front of Ray. It was business as usual for the Mountie. It was almost cold hearted but then wasn't she as cold hearted to him? 

"Come on Benny, let's get you out of the rain." Ray said standing up. He helped his friend up from the bench. Fraser was slightly weak from his crying but Ray steadied him as they began walking back to the Riv. 

* * *

The drive home was quiet but Ray didn't mind because he knew where Fraser was and he was safe. Fraser was soaked through to the bone and shivering when they entered the dark Vecchio home. Everyone was already asleep as it was after midnight. Ray removed his and Fraser's coats. 

"Where's Robert?" Fraser mumbled as he was being led up the stairs to the second floor of the Vecchio home. 

"Don't worry Benny, he's been asleep for the past four hours." Ray said as he steadied Fraser on his walk. Fraser's walk up the stairs was labored. He was exhausted from everything that had happened in the last couple months. It had been four months since he had a peaceful rest. He never realized what it took to be a parent, let alone two. 

Ray led Fraser into the spare bedroom and left him there, back facing the door, while he went into his own bedroom to grab a towel and a pair of pajama's for Fraser to wear. Fraser just stood where Ray left him, not moving, still numb, feeling helpless. 

When Ray returned, a wet spot was growing at Fraser's feet where water from his clothes and body had dripped and continued dripping. "Come on Benny, you need to get out of these wet clothes." Ray said as he turned Fraser around to face him. 

"Ray . . . I . . ." Fraser began, there was despair in his eyes and voice. "I can't do this alone." 

Ray gave Fraser a bemused smile. "I know Benny, that's why you, Robert and Dief are moving in with me and my family." Ray said as he started unbuttoning Fraser's flannel shirt. 

Fraser was grateful to have a friend like Ray. Ray was always there for him when he needed him. It was through Ray that Fraser was able to tolerate the busy city of Chicago and now it was Ray again who was going to help him with raising his son. "Thanks Ray." Fraser said as he leaned forward and hugged Ray. 

Ray started to hug Fraser back when he felt his own clothes getting damp. "Hey, wet clothes, wet clothes." Ray gently pushed away from Fraser. 

"Sorry Ray," Fraser said slightly embarrassed. 

"Benny, get changed and I'll throw your clothes in the dryer." Ray left the room while Fraser changed out of his wet clothes, dried off as best he could and put on the pajama's Ray provided. Ray's pajama's always looked too big for Ray but they fit Fraser perfectly. 

By the time Fraser changed and climbed into bed, it was after one in the morning. The minute his head hit the pillow, he was out like a light. Ray had never seen Fraser fall asleep so fast . . . except for the time their plane crashed in the Canadian wilderness when they were on their way to rebuild Fraser's dad's cabin. Due to his head injury, he was out and mumbling before Ray could count to one. Ray grabbed the wet clothes and towel and headed to the door. 

"Sleep tight Benny." Ray turned the light out and headed to the basement where he threw Fraser's clothes in the dryer. Once back upstairs, Ray walked to the phone in the living room and dialed the Consulate's number. Inspector Thatcher was relieved that Fraser was found and safe at the Vecchio household, she knew he would find him. Ray did grate on her nerves but he cared about Fraser very much and she was grateful that Fraser had such a friend. 

* * *

There was a cry, louder than he had ever heard. Ray nearly fell out of bed upon hearing it. Focusing on where he was and where the noise was coming from, he slipped on his slippers and grabbed his robe. Heading out his bedroom door, Ray walked toward the nursery. 

As he entered the nursery, the one making all the noise was Robert. It was 6:00am, Ray was glad he had slept that long, it could have been earlier. Ray picked the cranky baby up, inspected whether a diaper change was needed . . . nope . . . thank God. Carrying Robert, Ray headed downstairs to fix a bottle. Robert stopped crying immediately upon being picked up. "You sure know how to get attention there Bobby," Ray said. Luckily, the rest of the Vecchio's were heavy sleepers and no one else was wakened. The only reason Ray heard the cry was because he had the baby monitor in his room. 

After Ray prepared Robert's morning bottle he carried Robert and the bottle back upstairs and headed to "Fraser's" room. Opening the door, Ray tiptoed in and sat in the rocking chair he had put in the room for Fraser, thinking he would accept his offer the first time he asked. Ray wasn't happy when Fraser had turned him down but he knew Fraser needed to work through everything in his own time. Ray also knew Fraser eventually would move in, that is why he left the rocker in the spare room. 

While he fed Robert, Ray watched Fraser sleep. Fraser was on his back with his hands resting on his chest. He looked so vulnerable like there with his guard down but he looked peaceful. If Ray hadn't seen his chest rise and fall, he would have mistaken him for dead. Ray quickly wiped that though out of his head. 

Once Robert had finished his bottle, Ray burped him and gently rocked him back to sleep, it didn't take long. Once asleep, Ray got up from the rocker and took Robert back to the nursery. After he placed Robert in the crib, Ray stood there for awhile, just watching Robert. He could see his eyes dart back and forth through their lids. Even when Robert slept he looked peaceful, like father, like son. "You have a good man for a father, you know that Bobby?" Ray said quietly, placing an afghan over him. "Greatest Mountie in the Greater Chicago area." 

* * *

Fraser's eyes fluttered open as they adjusted to the light streaming in from the window. There was a cool, damp breeze blowing in, Ray knew Fraser liked having the window open while he slept. The room was unfamiliar at first. Fraser rolled over from his back to his left side and curled up in the comforter covering him. He felt so safe in this bed. It was the softest bed he had ever slept in and boy did he sleep. Looking out the window, Fraser cold tell it was later than he usually slept . . . much later. Fraser stretched his arm out from under the covers to look at his watch, 12:20pm. 

There were noises coming from downstairs and an unbelievable smell that made his mouth water and stomach growl. Fraser remembered then, he hadn't eaten since yesterday morning. Mrs. Vecchio was cooking for her guest. 'She's such a wonderful woman,' Fraser thought as he sat up finally. There was a knock at the door. 

"Come in," Fraser called as he stretched and yawned. 

"It's about time you got up," Ray said as he entered the bedroom carrying Fraser's dried clothes from the night before and set them on the bed. "Ma has lunch almost done so you better get dressed and ya better hurry cause if you think I spoil Dief, you haven't seen Ma." 

"Thank you Ray." Fraser said as he got out of bed, every muscle in his body hurt but he didn't show it. 

"For what Benny?" 

"For all of this, letting us stay here. You are too kind and generous for words to express," Fraser said as he started to change. 

"Benny, you don't need to thank me. You would do the same for me if you were in my place," Ray said. "Anyway, it's my house and if I want to house a Mountie, his kid and his wolf . . . then I will. I'll meet you in the dinning room, OK?" 

"OK Ray." 

When Ray left, he shut the door behind him to give Fraser his privacy. As he finished dressing, all he could think about was his life, what he'd been through and how much it had changed in such a short time. When Fraser originally came to Chicago, everyone up North warned him he would never make it in such a big city. They underestimated him . . . or at least the kindness of a Chicago cop and his family. Here he was, still in that same big city but now struggling to be a father and making it . . . with a little help from his friend. 


End file.
